The Artist I Was Trying to Hide
- Jul 17
- 5 min read
Updated: Jul 19
Today, I would like to share a little bit about myself!
I originally created this video for my agency’s portfolio, and I thought I would share it here as well, since many of you may not know much about my background. :)
I was born and raised in Tokyo, Japan, and moved to New York in 2006 after graduating from art college in Japan. I was once a student just like many of you, and since then, I’ve worn several creative hats before eventually pursuing my career as an illustrator while also teaching art classes here.
2026 marks my 20th year living in New York, which feels both surreal and meaningful.
Living abroad - especially in a fast-paced city like New York - often changes us. We create a version of ourselves that fits our surroundings, and sometimes we become so good at being that person that we forget who we were before.
I went through that phase for about ten years.
When I first moved here, I realized that I couldn’t survive by moving at the same pace as New Yorkers. Little by little, I changed my personality and adapted myself to fit into life in New York.
I spent about a decade working on the fringes of the fashion industry, and it gave me so much great experience. But I used to believe that qualities like sensitivity and what people might call "Japanese-ness" were completely useless. Or at least, that's how I saw it back then.
And it worked. I succeeded in that environment by becoming someone who was confident, fast, and constantly competitive.
But eventually, carrying that version of myself became exhausting. My mind and body told me it was time to slow down.
I left fashion and returned to the art field where I originally began.
Looking back now, I realize that the qualities I once tried to hide - my sensitivity, patience, and attention to small details - were actually the foundation of my art.
A few years ago, after spending years pushing myself too hard, I went through a period of depression. It was one of the most difficult times of my life. Fortunately, it was still near the end of the COVID pandemic, and I was still working remotely, so I didn't have to go out or interact with people very much.
With the help of a mental health professional, I spent months taking a deep look at myself and my life. It took me close to a year to fully recover.
Even after recovering, I continue to see my counselor once a month to maintain my mental health. It's become an important part of taking care of myself.
Twenty years have flown by, but they have also been filled with so much: new beginnings, goodbyes (including the loss of loved ones), challenges, and unforgettable experiences.
Living in New York, where it’s easy to feel like you always have to aim higher, there were many times when I felt overwhelmed.
But taking the time to truly understand myself changed me. Going through depression was an incredibly painful experience, but now I can even say that I’m grateful for it.
It forced me to slow down and allowed me to change the way I lived my life. It also gave me the courage to talk openly about my experience with depression, and I believe that is something very important.
Even for those who have not reached the point of depression, I think there are many students who are struggling and barely holding themselves together.
Living in America as an international student is not easy. There are financial pressures, visa uncertainty, high rent, and the loneliness of being far away from family. Even when we appear strong on the outside, many of us quietly struggle through difficult periods.
Fortunately, I was able to change my visa relatively early on, but I still spent many years going through difficult periods like this. During my years in fashion, I pushed myself beyond my limits, often sacrificing sleep and ignoring my own needs in order to survive in such a competitive environment.
Looking back, I think I used to believe that life was something you had to compete in. Watching people around me lose their jobs made me feel as if life was a game of musical chairs, and I was always afraid of being the one left without a seat.
I carried that mindset for many years, even after leaving fashion and becoming an illustrator. I was constantly worried that if I wasn’t fast enough or competitive enough, I would fall behind.
Especially in recent years, as technology has allowed many artists to create faster than ever, I often found myself comparing my slowest, hand-drawn process to others. While many illustrators work digitally and meet extremely fast deadlines, I continue to create my work on paper using stippling - a method that requires tremendous patience and time.
But when I shared these worries with my agency, they reminded me that I didn’t need to change. In a world that moves so quickly, my patience, attention to detail, and handmade process could actually become my strength.
They continue to support me by finding clients who appreciate illustrations that are thoughtfully created with time, care, and craftsmanship. The things I once saw as weaknesses—the slowness, sensitivity, and attention to detail—are now the things that define my work.
These days, I’m grateful to be surrounded by people who genuinely care about me and support what I do. I’m happiest when I can work at my own pace, without rushing or competing, simply enjoying the privilege of creating art.
And this is something I hope you remember as artists: You don’t always have to become someone else to succeed.
I spent years trying to become someone else, only to realize that the person I was trying to hide was the artist I needed to become.
This has become a much longer reflection than I originally intended, but to commemorate my 20 years here, I recently completed a personal artwork of my own, and I would like to share it as the final piece of this story.
This is a very personal project: a cover design for an imaginary book,"TINY LOVE STORIES IN NEW YORK."
One of my favorite things to do while riding a bus or sitting in a car is to gaze out at the windows of apartment buildings. I often find myself wondering who lives behind those windows and what kinds of stories are unfolding inside those rooms.
Through this drawing, I tried to weave together the people, encounters, and memories that have shaped my twenty years. It is a deeply personal work, filled with affection, nostalgia, and gratitude.
I hope to keep creating illustrations that make someone feel a little warmer inside or give them something to think about.<3
I hope you don’t feel pressured to find your style too quickly. Sometimes, the things that make you different or slower are the things that make your work truly yours.
Thanks for listening, have a wonderful day!
Comments